Does My Imaginary Butt look Fat?

I doubt that this is true for everyone, in fact..I know it isn't, but I do know that it's true for myself and for many that I call friend: Having a crush on somebody can be it's own incentive to accomplish certain things that you have been neglecting or lethargic about to some extent, an incentive that can't be found or equaled anywhere else.
I'm not talking about the little everyday crushes.....the ones where you find yourself thinking, "That person is cute...I wonder if they would like to shag and then never cross paths again?" No. I'm writing about those gut fucking wrenching crushes that you can't explain and won't leave your thoughts ever, whether you're awake or sleeping...usually involving a person you have no chance with either because they are already in a relationship, married, gay or already issued a restraining order against you.

Those are the crushes that kick my ass, where I find myself immersed in drawings or writing for whatever reason that I tend to do that. To be honest, I have to think that my reasons are of the 'distraction' sort, because let's face it: my chosen passions tends to be ones of a solitary existence. Going through a manic productive stage for me means that I become even more reclusive than I already am.

In any case, the fact still remains: a heart poisoning crush puts me at my most creative, which is a place that I would like to be in right now. The problem being, I have no crush to speak of.....actually, I haven't had one for a long, long time now. Years to be more to the point.....and I'm not entirely sure why. I wouldn't dare to say that I think I'm incapable of them anymore, because that would be like saying that I doubt I'll ever get another ticket on my car for having no front plate even though I do. I just think my unconscious is smart enough to leave well enough alone at the moment.

So, I decided to create a crush. An imaginary one that we'll name No.6 to keep it impersonal. I would describe her for you all if it weren't for the fact that I can't. The problem with having a make-believe infatuation for me is that my imagination tends to wander. At one point, No.6 was a brunette....at another point, a red head. She even had three arms for a short while because I thought that would help in her knitting, which she likes to do, but then she gave it up to raise legless otters. Of course she has a thick Russian accent, but for a short period she had the voice of Scott Baio in his Chachi days.....which really, really disturbed me and caused me to drink heavily that night!

Do I honestly think that manufacturing a person to obsess over will work at all? Of course not. The whole idea behind this came about from a night out with new friends over drinks at the Sputnik. At one point we brought up that we agreed it would be great if we could bottle that intensity a crush generates while leaving out all the negative side effects....like, oh I don't know....despair?
As you can tell, I genuinely like the whole idea....enough that it put the whole subject of crushes in my mind, and made me almost wish that I could feel that again. That is until I take a step back to witness all the violent ups and downs my friends seem to be going through with their significant others....and then I thank my unconscious for keeping that door closed for the time being.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I think there's an imaginary lawyer at my door to issue me a phantom restraining order........