...the Undead Bunnies will Walk the Earth.
Many people find it hard to believe when they find out that I actually enjoy Easter Sunday....but it's fairly obvious if you were to break the holiday down. Think about it. After you strip away the colorful packaging, that is, the magical bunny, the eggs, the chocolate and beans and pastel colors, the uncle that drank too much before dinner and is sitting in the corner trying his best to get you to pull his finger for a quarter....what are you left with? A story of a man that rose from the dead. In other words, a fucking zombie! Hot damn! A zombie savior who walked from his crypt to deliver the message to his followers that they to will someday die.....and rise again. A whole zombie army on God's side! And for those of you still in doubt, I offer you this: "Eat of this bread, it is my flesh. Drink of this wine, it is my blood..." What do zombies do? They eat the living! The last supper was the first official Undead Boot Camp! Screw the DaVinci Code!
And people have the nerve to try to tell me how much better of a place Heaven is over Hell! Can you even imagine? Paradise filled with millions and millions of undead, lumbering around, bouncing into one another on their quest for absolutely nothing because they're DEAD! And the stentch!! They are walking on clouds in full view of the sun, rotting for eternity! Stick some roadkill in a child's Easy Bake Over, and then multiply that by infinity and I doubt you would still even be close to scratching the surface of what that might be like.
But there you have it, why I enjoy Easter. Millions of people remembering their zombie savior with the ritual "egg hunt", happily waiting for the day that they too will perish only to be given the gift of zombiehood.
Now, Jesus definitely wasn't the first to come back from the dead, nor was he the last. Below is a short list of other contenders to our immortal souls:
Basically, it can be said that Jesus was the right zombie in the right place at the right time. A walking dead with a message that the masses needed to hear, and in a time when bunnies outnumbered rats, as well as still laid eggs. Any other time and place would have had Jesus facing being burned, shot in the head or stabbed in the heart and then beheaded....and then where would we all be? Living one life and one life only, therefore, forced to see it as a gift rather than a curse as well as being held accountable for our actions. Oh the horror!
In any case, I do hope this day finds you all well and with adequate shelter and supplies to outlast this pending zombie invasion better known as the rapture.