the Lonliness of an Empty Crawlspace...

Continuing the spirit of yesterday's blog, I thought that I'd take this opportunity to expand a bit on the whole idea of random facts, but this time by giving you five random and wholey made up facts about each of the five persons that I tagged. I do understand that this will more than likely lead to myself being subjected to attempts in pain and sufferring, both in the comments to follow as well as in the blogs of my intended subjects.....but seeing as I lack the basic human emotions of embarrassment as well as sapience, I don't really care. Thusly, without further adieu.......

Clint Allen

#1- Clint Allen was actually born with four arms....that is, he has arms in place of his legs, which makes him look funny while running, but makes him a dangerous competitor during a game of dodge-ball.

#2- He was once engaged to a bar of soap, until we (his friends) held the now infamous's the last fucking time we will ever use a game of dodge-ball as an Intervention vehicle!

#3- Clint started the whole "abolish the N word" fiasco as a means to piggy-back his desire to re-instate the word "thusly", which was declared unclean by the Pope in 1947.

#4- Clint is actually living backwards, having been born a grown man and getting younger every year....much like Merlin, but without the cool magic tricks.

#5- Clint has actually killed fourteen people with his mind now, once for everytime he was served iced-tea that tasted like dishwater.


#1- Born Christopher Gabriel Williams, he prefers to be called Gabe due to his affinity with the show Welcome Back Cotter.

#2- Mungmopper started his own religion as a small child called Chacky (sha-kee) that today still boasts only one member....himself.

#3- He and I share the same mother, only not by blood, just proximity.

#4- Mungmopper's popular home-brewed beer is actually made by the blood of lambs and his own fermented urine.

#5- Mungmopper will actually murder me four years from now, as the Soothsayer has foreseen, and then end his own life by accidentally jumping through the nearest window, which is his custom, 13 floors above the street.


#1- Bloomin' is known as "the Greek Paris Hilton"......that's hot!

#2- He was one of the original cast members of the classic Jason and the Argonauts, but was fired after getting his ass kicked by Ray Harryhausen in a drunken argument.

#3- He is the inventor of Nater, a new form of water that fails to get anything wet....which failed when introduced to the market in 1988.

#4- Bloomin' has an impressive collection of apples that are deformed in such a way that they all resemble Mickey Rourke.

#5- Bloomin' actually only consists of 4 facts, as long as you discount this one.


#1- Elizabeth can eat 51 eggs in and hour......fuck you Cool Hand Luke!!

#2- She has the ability to fly, but chooses not to ever since the doctors said it was really called falling, and responsible for all her multiple fractures.

#3- Elizabeth has a huge collection of Rock T-Shirts, which actually outnumbers the ammount of bands that have shirts available.

#4- She gave up her carreer as an assassin after receiving a contract to kill Clint Allen.....and I'm still waiting for my money back!

#5- Elizabeth has the ability to completely mask her Long Island accent, until she has had too much to drink, whereas she starts to speak with a Scottish accent.


#1- Rachael's name is actually pronounced, Ra-chi-el, much like Raphael, the Mutant Ninja Turtle, not the artist.

#2- The photos in her profile are not stretched in Photoshop, she actually lives in an elongated plain.

#3- Rachael was one of the original dancers in the Riverdance ensemble, until they left without her after a performance in Bunslip, New Jersey.

#4- It is a scientific fact that she will suffer from a misspelling before the day is through.

#5- It is not true that there exists an underground tape of Rachael involving pancakes and Clint Allen's mustard....I'm holding out for more money.

....and there we have it folks. Twenty-five more facts to float around your brains, slowly devouring more uselful information that you had previously stored.