Excerpt from the Book, "Rachael Asks..." in bookstores never

Dere zombiespoon,
I am curently wurking on a book of answerz to randumly asked kwestions and photographs of childrens dolls in sexual poses. I wood appreciate it if you could anser the following questions 4 me!


1. What Curse Do You Use The Most?
- Unfortunately, I'm still only a level 2 curser....so the most I can make the unsuspecting do is fart real loud in public...unless I roll a +5, and then they shit themselves!

2. Do You Own An Ipod?
-Yes....but I also just got a new iHate from Clint for my birthday!
30Gigs of storage for my hate!

3. What Person On Your Top 8 Do You Talk To The Most?
-I don't talk to anyone in my Deadpool.....it's against the rules.

4. What Time Is Your Alarm Clock Set To?
-Pacific........why are you looking at me like that?

5. Do You Want To Fall In Love?
-I don't even like to step in love!! I wish people would clean up after themselves!

6. Do You Wear Flip-Flops When It's Cold?
-I wear winter clothes. I find that going out wearing nothing but flip flops is both dangerous for one's health, and illegal!

7. Would You Rather Take The Picture Or Be In The Picture?
-I would rather take the picture I'm in....especially if the person who had the picture is someone that I don't know, and has no business having a picture of me in their possession!

8. What Was The Last Movie You Watched?
-Wait....why is it the Last movie?! Do you know something that I don't?!!

9. Do Any Of Your Friends Have Children?
-Yes....and some of those children are even their own!

10. Has Any0ne Ever Called You Lazy?
-What's an 'Any0ne'? Seriously....what with the weird capitalization theme in this questionnaire?

11. Do You Ever Take Medication To Help You Fall Asleep?
-Yes, but I'm much more fond of the medication that keeps me awake.....

12. What Cd Is Currently In Your Cd Player?
-I no longer own and Cd's or Cd Players......so, no.

13. Do You Prefer Regular Or Chocolate Milk?
-Regular what? I can't answer this until I know what's competing with my Chocolate Milk.....and what is the situation? Is someone's life at stake? Is this for money? There's just too many unanswered questions here!!! I can't deal with this right now!!!

14. Has Anyone Told You A Secret This Week?
-Like on those commercials? Where two woman tell each other a completely made up secret and then giggle like idiots and then I'm supposed to want girly deodorant?

15. When Was The Last Time You Had Starbuck?
-I've never had the chance....but I would be with Starbuck in a second if I had the chance!!!
Wait....we are talking about the new Battlestar Galactica, right? Because if we're talking about the one from the seventies, then this question both means something completely different and sickens me!

16. Can You Whistle?
-I choose not to......

17. What Is The First Thing You Notice About The Opposite Sex?
-Depends.....if they are on fire, that tends to be the first thing....the tits come after the fire.

18. Do You Think People Talk About You Behind Your Back?
-Is there any other way to talk about me? Seriously, if they are talking in front of me it's talked "talking to me", which is something completely different.

19. Did You Watch Cartoons As A Child?
-Hell, I watch cartoons now.

20. What Movie Do You Know Every Line To?
-Time Bandits....and all silent films, just by definition.

21.Have You Ever Done The Dirty In A Field?
-Who the hell has the nickname "the Dirty", and why would anyone want to do her or him after such a nickname is achieved?!!

22.What's your favorite flower?
-There are more varieties of flour? I tend to just like the cakes they help make.....

23. Do You Own Any Band T-Shirts?
-I've never injured my torso bad enough to need a Band T-Shirt...I suspect that if I did, I'd rather just be taken to a hospital.
(Think about it.....it'll make sense eventually)

24. What Is Your Favorite Salad Dressing?
-I don't own any films of Salads getting dressed. This is the weirdest fetish I've heard of so far!

where is 25?

26. Do You Do Your Own Dishes?
-Ah....the famous "DYDYOD" question.....I'm not falling for this one so easily!

27. Ever Cry In Public?
-Every chance I get!

28. Are You On A Desktop Computer Or A Lap Top?
-I'm on a chair...In Front of my laptop.

29. Are You Currently Wanting Any Piercings Or Tattoos?
-No, I'm currently wanting some more coffee and Starbuck....the female Starbuck.

30. Whats The Weather Like?
-Like an orange, with a really thick rind and too many seeds.....stupid weather orange!

31. Would You Ever Date Anyone Covered In Tattoos?
-Depends on the tattoos in question....a woman with her body covered with tattoos of penises getting bitten, probably not.

32. What Did You Do Before This?
-Answered a question about dating someone with bitten penis tattoos....where were you?

33. When Was The Last Time You Slept On The Floor?
-Last night.....I couldn't get my bed to stay on the wall....and the ceiling is out of the question!

34. How Many Hours Of Sleep Do You Need To Function?
-A third of my life, apparently.

35. Do You Eat Breakfast Daily?
-Does it matter? Seriously....ask yourself that.

36. Are Your Days Full And Fast Paced?
-Full of what?! I need more details here!! Full of glue? No. And I doubt they'd be fast-paced that way.......

37. Do You Pay Attention To The Calories In The Package/Box?
-They package calories now? Why would I need to pay attention to that?

38. Do You Use Sarcasm?
-You tell me.....

39. How Old Will Y0u Be Turning On Your Next Birthday?
-Funny you should ask.....wait, no....it wasn't that funny.

40. Are You Picky About Spelling And Grammar?
-ask Rachael.

41. Have You Ever Been To Six Flags?
-Have you ever seen a grown man cry and shit himself? I'm just asking....it has nothing to do with Six Flags.....

42. What irritates you most?
-Poison Ivy.

43. Do You Get Along Better With The Same Sex Or The Opposite?
-You mean like a hermaphrodite? I suppose I do as well as everyone else.....

44. Do You Like Mustard?
-What's that got to do with my social relationships with hermaphrodites?

45. Do You Sleep On Your Side, Stomach Or Back?
-I tend to stay together even when asleep......

46. Do You Watch The News?
-Not if I've been unlucky enough to fall apart while sleeping....but I'll most likely be on the news when that happens....

47. How did you get some of your scars?
-By accidents.

49. Do You Like Anybody?
-Sure I like people! What are you trying to say?!

50.What Is The Last Thing You Purchased?
-Gasoline.......for my car.....not for what you'll hear on the news!