Burying Things in the Desert....

For those of you living in the states I know you've had to see these advertisements, the New campaign for Las Vegas...What Happens Here, Stays Here brilliance. Even those of you who don't watch much tv must have caught at least one of these at some point....they seem to have saturated the fucking airwaves recently.

For any who don't know of the advertising of which I now speak, a quick discriptive:

*a woman questioned by her boyfriend after returning from a trip to Las Vegas quickly sums it up in nothing but shopping and sighs the "That Was Close" sigh when he leaves the room...leading the audience to believe that she must have taken it up the ass by some swarmy guy for more poker chips or something.

*a guy giving out fake carreers as his own to a variety of people while in Vegas, obviously thinking that his job as a Burger Technichian at Jack in the Box will more than likely keep him from getting laid..

*a woman giving the same variety of people different fake names, obviously due to the fact that she doesn't like to hear her real name called out while blowing a stranger in a back alley...

...and it goes on from there. I mean, it's no wonder why Las Vegas is finally trying to shed it's "family freindly" look that they spent so much fucking money on over the past decade....the hookers are still there! Prooving that a Mikey Mouse look and feel is NOT a deterance for whores (someone, somewhere HAS to have a story about banging Snow White in a back office at Disney World at some point in time).
But now what I'm waiting for is the day when Las Vegas finally learns that Americans are for the most part lost on subtlety and suggestion....there is a man somewhere who just watched one of the commercials going, "I don't get it....why is she so worried about shopping in Las Vegas? Did she really spend that much?" while his children sit there rolling their eyes. If there is one thing that Americans have prooved about ourselves time and time again, is that we are a nation of complete and total idiots that really need things spelled out for us, regardless of whether it's spelled out truthfully or not....we'll still eat that shit up! The day will have to come when these commercials get a tad more blatant....

*a man is picked up at the airport by his wife and after kissing her she mentions, "Honey, your breath smells like semen."...the camera locks onto his worried stare....

*Two men return from Vegas late one night, their suits are dirt soiled and they are pulling shovels from their trunk..."What Happens Here, Sometimes REALLY stays here!"

But why stop there? I mean, if they really want to sell Vegas as a place for vice again, why not just pull out the guns and go for it? Picture advertisements showing a business man on the phone with his wife telling her that the conference went fine while getting a handjob froma hooker in his hotel room....a man getting the ever loving shit kicked out of him in the back room of a casino....a woman curled into the fetal position behind a dumpster sobbing about losing everything...."Las Vegas, We're Seedy Again!"

And maybe other states can follow suit in this new campaign. Montana can adopt the Brokeback Mountain idea with and advertisement showing two cowboys embraced, "Montana...Where Real Cowpokes Cum!" Ha! See? Maybe Mississippi can have one showing a clan rally, "Mississippi, We Still Hate Niggers!" Why not?! Not like it's any big secret! Or how about the favorite vacation advertisements we all love? You know, for states that you would never think of vacationing at ever. A series of beautiful landscapes and activities follwed with, "Come to Virginia. There really isn't Anything to do...but at least We're Not Kansas!"

....and, to think, my mother thought advertising would have been a good career choice for me.