...an open letter to the King

Thank you!
Thank you Burger King for being there, at the end of the street, when I'm desperate for lunch.
Thank you for your quick service and your ability to get an order of fries and one whopper wrong.
Thank you Burger King!
Thank you for your special sauce, a healthy mixture of ketchup and mayo mixed together, and the generous portions of it you slather onto your burgers like a meat and vegetable lubricant forcing the top and bottom halves to repel one another like opposing magnets.
Thank you for taking the initiative that I might want to wear my burger rather than eat it.
Burger King...I thank you....
Thank you for your ability to fit so little fries into a king size fry box.
Thank you for being there for me....Burger King....and your amazing ability to clog my arteries while curing me of any lingering threat of constipation so well, that I just shit my pants!